Have you ever been in a position when you avoided to speak up your mind because you feared the repercussions?
This video is a podcast preview. We like to call it a “teaser“. If you want to listen to the entire podcast interview, press the Play button underneath this article’s title.
If you’ve come here for the link to the free Assertiveness Webinar please click here.
Sometimes we refuse to say what we think because we don’t know how to say it without hurting the feelings of those around us. When you’re in business, not knowing how to say “No” in a diplomatic way can really hurt your professional relationships.
Meet Kerry-Anne Cassidy
Today’s podcast guest is talking about assertiveness training, or how you can learn to say “No” and stand up for yourself without damaging your business relationships. Assertiveness training is all about knowing how to speak up and at the same time boost the relationship you have with others.
Our guest’s name is Kerry-Anne Cassidy (we recorded another great podcast together in the past) – a leadership, learning and development specialist. Kerry-Anne has been helping people to get ahead in work, business and personal life for 18 years.
She is of the opinion that “assertiveness can float through all areas of life; it is not something we use daily, but a lot of us could be using it more frequently”.
Why don’t people speak up?
We often prefer to remain silent, but this is not always a good idea. The main reason we don’t speak up for ourselves is because of fear. We fear rejection; we need to be connected with other human beings, and we realize that by saying “No” to them we risk losing that relationship.
2. Negative past experiences
Another reason why people refuse to stand up for themselves is because of bad prior experiences that are causing us to fear the reactions of those around us.
3. Your brain is taught to “freeze”
And finally, we need to understand that our brains are “taught” to respond to reactions. So by having bad past experiences we trained our brains to “freeze”; what happens is our brains are set off and we don’t know how to deal with the situation.
Thus, it seems almost too overwhelming to overcome these emotions and feelings. If you’ve been experiencing these situations in the past or if you are still struggling to overcome these feelings, then assertiveness training is what you need.
Our brain is so clever, that all we have to do is learn to understand it and be able to recognize the symptoms and signals.
#1 Assertiveness Training Tip: Hang on to an emotion for 90 seconds so as to give your brain enough time to process that emotion. This time will allow your brain to think through and come up with better solutions for your self-esteem, relationships, social life.
When you do assert yourself… why do you do it?
As I learned from Kerry-Anne, we’re not asserting ourselves just for the sake of it.
Instead, we’re using assertiveness because we realize that, unless we stand up and speak for ourselves and what we want in our business, our reputation will suffer.
But the entire secret stands in the way you’re speaking up. When you assert yourself, your reputation and heart are in conjunction with one another.
The three steps of assertiveness training:
- 1. The first step to assertiveness training is realizing the need to assert yourself.
- 2. The second step: irreversible of how other people respond to your assertiveness, you deepen the relationship with them. Through assertiveness training you are learning how to communicate your point of view without hurting those around you.
- 3. The third step is the effect assertiveness has on you: you gain confidence and posture (listen to the podcast to learn more about posture and its importance during a business meeting or interview).
#2 Assertiveness Training Tip: Even if you have the assertiveness experience at a business level, it flows into your personal life and family life. It therefore improves not only your business relationships, but your family ties as well.
You just need a small win. It is was creates the momentum and keeps you going.
What happens if you do not assert yourself?
Avoiding speaking up for yourself can turn you into a passive-aggressive personality. This can actually ruin your social life and you risk losing your job. A passive-aggressive attitude will affect your self-esteem and it can bring you on the verge of depression.
So take responsibility for the road you are travelling on, even if it is a hard one!
You generally have to speak up at times that you do not feel comfortable, but you have to do it in a positive way trying not to hurt the ones around you. That is when you gain self-respect and the respect of others.
Join the free webinar on assertiveness training:
Kerry-Anne is organising a free webinar. If you want to join read the information below…
- Date: 1st of August 2014
- Time: 12:30pm (don’t you love the idea of lunchtime learning?)
- How can you join? Register your participation at the following link: http://www.skilljunction.com.au/assertinevess-webinar
What are the key points that will be covered during the webinar?
- How do I identify and set my boundaries?
- How do I create win-win outcomes that will generate positive results?
- What are the tools for saying “No” in a way that moves you ahead in business and builds relationships? (P.S.: it is not that easy!)
- Identifying and harnessing the full pain points of assertiveness to help build and develop your confidence
Do you know someone who could benefit from this webinar? Do you have a friend or family member who cannot speak up their mind? Do you think a friend of yours could use a boost in their self-esteem?
If so, do not keep this news for yourself. Share it with your friends and help them regain their self-confidence: